Ramblings on Fear. And Love. (Spoiler -- chose the latter!)

Fear can be such a mysterious thing sometimes.  Sometimes we know exactly why we are afraid of something.  There might be grounded, rational reasons to have that particular fear, or the fears might be completely unfounded and inexplicable.  I have a fear of pulling out into a particular intersection near our home.  This intersection leaves you blind to oncoming traffic from both directions and I have had several very real, very terrifying near collisions in that intersection.  So, I only go that way when I have to, which isn't very often. It seems like a very rational fear to me... although members of my family use that intersection every day and never have the trouble I have.  I guess it's because they don't have a fear of it.  They haven't lost their confidence.

But sometimes we have fears that we really can't explain or can't even figure out what the basis of it is -- the root of it. Or maybe we even know the root of it, but we can't seem to pull that root up and rid ourselves of the fear that has blossomed from that seed.  Right now, I'm experiencing something even a little bit more quarrelsome. There is something I desperately want to do... I even feel God calling me to do it... it's nothing crazy or mind-blowing... just something I've always dreamed of doing.  But something is holding me back.

I heard someone once say that everything comes from one of two places.  Love or Fear. Think about it... every emotion you have, every reaction or action you take... it is motivated by either love.... or fear.  Everything.  And let me just state the obvious :) -- Love = God.  Fear = Satan.  So, there you go... the two kingdoms.  The kingdom of love, the kingdom of fear.  I know which one I live in.  It's just so frustrating when sometimes I find myself skipping down the dark hallways of that other kingdom.

So, in thinking about this thing that I want to do but can't seem to, let me momentarily invite you into my head as I talk my way through this. "I realize that I'm certainly not being stopped by love...so obviously, I'm being dragged down by fear.  Damn... that is frustrating!  Especially because I'm not sure of the root of that fear.  Let me see... is it fear of failure?  Probably.  Although I have come to learn that I never have to fear that God will see me as a failure...and with that knowledge, I certainly don't have to worry about failing anyone else.  So... fear of rejection?  Whew... I've always struggled with that.  I love to please people.  But, if there is no one that I am afraid to fail for, maybe it's fear that I will be rejected or disliked for what I dream of doing.  Well, I know that God will never ever reject me... so with that in mind, why should I entertain any fear of man!  Hmm...pride?  Could it be pride?  Ugghh... probably some of that too. I mean, if I don't succeed in this... that would be embarrassing."

See... just like I said... I know the truth about God and how He feels about me, how much He loves me, and what He wants for me...and yet, here I am quivering in that other kingdom, being held back by that fear. So.  What's the answer here?  I mean, surely, if I took all this time to write this down in a blog... SURELY, I have an answer.  Or at least a step by step method to conquer this fear.

Nope.  Sorry.  There really is no step by step method.  No "here's what you need to do".  But I do know one thing.  I know that God has the answer.  And I may avoid asking Him for help and prolong the life of this fear. I may try to pretend that the fear doesn't exist and act tough for the rest of the world to see.  But no matter what I chose to do, He is right there.  Loving me.  Supporting me.  Cheering me on.  He's not angry at me for letting this fear hold me back from what He is calling me to do.  He is far too patient for that.  He knows the end game.  And I know that whatever fear or lie or trap that that other kingdom uses to keep me from pursuing my dreams, God is going to walk me through that too -- highlighting the way, changing course as needed, and always always always leading me to Him. That's love. And that is definitely answer enough for me.  I feel better already!  Thanks for visiting my head :).