Follow Me

I've been chewing lately on some thoughts about control.  God has been showing me lately that a lot of my actions and "reactions" in life are based around my need to control my world around me. I think that's something we all crave -- to have the feeling that we are in control of our own little worlds. But when it comes to others... how do we control them?  Think about it this way... when a loved one does something (or doesn't do something) that you agree with, your options are either to nag that person until they change that behavior or ignore it.  I think "nagging" can take on many different forms -- you can nag by literally badgering, bugging, and picking at -- in hopes that you will wear that person down until they see that you were right all along. Or you can nag in more subtle ways... a shake of the head, a furrowed brow, a sigh... something to let them know you don't approve. Nagging can also take on the characteristic of simply pulling back...putting a barrier between you and that person that is doing something you don't like... holding back your love from them. We see that as a protective measure.  I don't know how often I've justified this behavior by thinking that I was simply protecting myself from pain by pulling my love back from someone. 

And then there is the other option -- to "ignore" that choice or behavior.  Thinking of several situations with loved ones right now, my first reaction is "I can't ignore that! If I do, they will continue to make those 'wrong' choices and that will in turn cause me more pain." And God whispers" And what if they do? Is it their choices that are actually causing you pain?" To which I replay "Yes, Lord... it makes me sad."  

Fortunately for me, my God is a loving, patient, amazing God who reminds me that "Sad is a natural reaction, my sweet.  But because you are sad does not give you the right to control someone else. I'm sad with so many of the choices my children make, but I don't control or take away free will, or punish in any way.  I show grace, mercy and love and give guidance when they are open to it.  Punishing by being mad or manipulating is not something I taught you or gave to you. Stop allowing the enemy to make you into something you are not."

What messages do we send those we love without even realizing it?  Their choices, their actions may in our eyes (or even according to the law -- biblical or otherwise) be "sinful"... but what right do we have to judge their choices and pull our love away in reaction.  The enemy placed the lie in our heads early on that if someone does something to "wrong us" by choosing something we don't agree with than we are justified in putting up a wall between us. But what we need to realize, what I am coming to realize... is that its really our own cell that we are building.  God gave each of us free will and the ability to make choices -- do we have any right to control someone else's choices by taking away our love from them? Are we sending the message that their choices in life are more important than the love we feel for them?  That's called manipulation and control..."You behave the way I want and I'll love you." -- tools of the enemy.  Imagine if God did that to us?  We'd be screwed! He would give up on us before we could even blink. Due to the enemy and the lies that swirl around this fallen world -- we could never succeed in love and grace without Him!

God reminded me of the words "Follow me!"  That's all He asks.  To follow Jesus' example... the way, the truth and the light. He gave us free will and He will stay by our sides if we stray.  He loves us no matter what we do, even if our choices make Him sad.  And that's the way, the truth and the light... to love others no matter how they make us "feel".  Love above all else.  Lord, teach us how to love each other.  Even in the messiness of life.

Brush Strokes

Pain.  We see it all around us.  We watch others deal with theirs as we race along on our own treadmill -- trying to outrun the hurt.  What do we do with it all?  Stuff it, fight it, pray for it to go away? For most of my entire life, I stuffed it... I would simply "Scarlett O'hara" it and tell myself that I would "think about it tomorrow."  But some days we realize even stuffing it won't work. Some days it feels overwhelming... watching your mom's mind slip away, seeing a friend suffer from the retched agonies of cancer, hearing about a loved one longing for a better life, and realizing that your own old wounds are creeping in and taking control of who you want to be. Who you were created to be.

Pain.  It's just as present in my life today as a follower of Jesus as it was 5 years ago as a non-believer.  At times, it almost seems like there is more of it -- before I would bury it, not think about it --  but now God is helping me dig those wounds up... face them head on.  The only true way to find healing. And healing has been monumental. I can't deny that.  As big as the pain may seem, the healing He has given me is magnified to the nth degree.

Doubt.  Do I think I have the corner on the market of doubt?  Certainly not.  I know everyone doubts.  But after not believing for the vast majority of my life... doubt is a stronghold that I struggle with daily.  The enemy knows exactly what to say to me, " If God truly has the power, if He truly was good... why the pain, why the suffering... why alzheimers, why alcoholism, why depression, why cancer?" 

Pain and doubt.  Just more tools of the enemy.  And sometimes the answers aren't there.  Some days I cry out to God "WHY?" and there isn't a response.  But most days, there is a small light, a glimmer... that if I focus on... turns into a brighter light, a light of hope... a light of peace... a light of truth. 

Truth. Yesterday,  He whispered to me that there are days that all I can see is the brush stroke.  He is the painter, the artist of a grand masterpiece... so grand I can't even fathom it.  And He sees the entire painting, perfect in every way.  All I see is the brush stroke.  He reminded me to stop focusing on just the small brush strokes, those moments in life that bombard my thinking and keep me focused on that one thing... that moment of pain, sadness, guilt, shame. The canvas is so much bigger than that.  A painting is made up of many colors... a brush stroke here of sadness, a brush stroke there of joy... brush stroke after brush stroke, moment after moment -- it all leads to something bigger than that one stroke, that one moment.  

2 Corinthians 4:16 - So we do not lose heart.  Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. 

Oh yes... the Artist is in control of this masterpiece... with each and every stroke!

 

Fragrance of Grace

Perspective.  In my last post, I described a cinder-block room that God had transformed from a dark, frightening place into a room filled with His beauty, grace, and light.  This week, He took me back to that room. But this time not only were there flowers blooming on the floor, but the flowers were now covering, almost completely concealing the walls -- flowers overflowing... spilling out of the room and spreading across the hills surrounding the walls. 

Perspective. He showed me that there have been times in my life that I needed those walls. They were a necessary part of my journey to Him. Ever since He first showed me that room, I assumed that for me to find freedom... those walls needed to come down. But, in His sweet and glorious way, He is showing me that those walls don't have to come down, they simply have to be overrun by grace and beauty.

Perspective.  God has covered my walls, the barrier to my heart with His glory, His grace, His faithfulness, with Christ -- who IS the LIGHT, LOVE and TRUTH. God has has covered my walls to show me that even though the walls still stand, they are covered by His EVERYTHING. 

Perspective.  It's a love story.  From a girl living in darkness in a cold, lonely room with a dirt floor where she buried her pain -- to a woman surrounded by the flowers of His grace, love and glory.  He was there in the dark with me... and then opened my heart to show me the beauty that was actually there.

Perspective. From turning walls of fear into walls of grace and love.  He continually turns our darkness into light, our fear into freedom, our sadness into joy.  It's all in how we look at things... through our eyes or through His.

Ephesians 5:2  And live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.  

Perspective.  The Fragrance of grace.

Little yellow flowers

One of the many things I have learned over the last few years is that God can show us the most amazing things, if we just open our hearts up to it.  Less than 5 years ago, if someone had told me about the images God has shown me or the words He has spoken to me, I would have thought that person was either delusional or simply making it up. Fortunately, He placed some incredible, faithful, loving and transparent people in my life that have spoken the truth from their hearts with an undeniable sincerity. Watching and listening to them, allowed me to learn to open my heart to the wisdom of God's unexplainable, immense love for me -- for each of us.

About a year ago, God gave me a visual to help show me how I had been dealing with some things in my life.  He showed me a room, made of cinder-blocks (no door, no windows and no ceiling -- just four walls) with a dirt floor.  As we explored this room and the significance of it, I learned that throughout my life, I had been burying any painful experiences, moments of rejection, and places of fear into this dirt floor. But as He has led me to healing in many of these places, I saw that out of those holes were growing beautiful little yellow flowers. And because of His amazing grace and goodness, I now have a room filled not with darkness and ugly holes, but a room filled with light and beauty -- flowers abounding.

As I was thinking about some places in my life that still need healing, God reminded me of that room again this morning. My first thought was "If only I had known you back then, Lord -- maybe those holes wouldn't have had to have been dug -- I would have turned to you, instead of hiding those wounds in the dirt"... but of course, before I could even finish that thought, He was whispering "But then there wouldn't be any flowers here now. The more places of healing, the more flowers. The more light you allow in, the more places to find my overflowing love for you. Instead of searching for that healing from other people and only digging more holes, simply come to me and I will shower you with the fragrance and beauty of my everlasting, unwavering, constant love." 

You see...no matter what we feel in our daily lives, no matter how we deal with pain we experience... He is right there, ready to give us flowers and radiance in place of the pain and darkness!  That is seriously Good News! :)

Giants

I am currently doing a bible study on the book of Daniel with some lovely ladies from my church.  The bible study is from a popular female author and public speaker.  The first bible study I did four years ago was one of hers and her sweet words helped lead me to Christ.  But as I've grown and learned more about who God is, I've discovered the difference between legalism & grace and  how to divide the word from the old covenant & the new covenant.
Last night, I was cringing at what she was teaching.  She was talking about God's punishment of us to keep us in line.  She referred to times or seasons of "chastisement" from God.  It reminded me of a conversation I recently had with a dear friend facing some difficult struggles... she kept asking God, "What is the lesson here, Lord? What are you trying to teach me?"
I may be a "toddler" in my Christian walk, but I believe what God has told me and shown me through others.... God does not punish us to teach us a lesson. He loves us with all of the power and might that He is.  He might allow us to deal with the consequences of our choices (that's part of the free will that He gave us), but He doesn't punish us in order to put us in right standing with Him.  Jesus did that when He died on the cross.  He was the final sacrifice that brought us all to full righteousness with God. Hence, the new covenant.

It's the enemy that is spreading the lies that say God is punishing us to make us walk according to His will.  God is a just, merciful, grace-filled, loving God who does everything for our good.  When bad things happen, it's not God teaching us a lesson -- it's because of the evilness of the world and the consequences of that.  And even when we can't immediately see the blessing or goodness from God, it's there -- we are just seeing it from our own, small perspective... not Heaven's perspective.  

I always picture what a mountain range looks like from an airplane.  To us on the ground, the mountains we face seem daunting and huge... but from Heaven's perspective, they are merely small bumps in our journey.  Kind of like David's perspective of Goliath.  Everyone else saw Goliath as a giant, unstoppable beast of a man that no one could take down.
But David saw him from Heaven's perspective... as just another animal (lions and bears, oh my!) that needed to be struck down in order to protect his flock.  The mountains and giants we face aren't big to God... only to us.  We have to face life and our struggles from Heaven's perspective... knowing that the Creator of all things not only has our backs, but is walking in front of us and beside us.  The only lesson He is trying to teach us is to trust in Him. No punishment... just faith, hope and love. Isn't that all He asks?

Words

Words fascinate me.  How we chose them, use them, and live them out in our daily lives.  I never was such a word fanatic until I started hearing God whisper them to me.  The first one I heard from Him was "patience".  He whispered it to me at a time when the very last thing I wanted to hear was the word patience.  That word became my focus.  For a year or more, I studied that word.  Found every place in the Bible it was referenced, studied it's root, devoured anything that would help me learn more about patience. But one day, He placed a new word on my heart... and then another... and then another.  I used to think, why does God speak to me with only one word at a time... until I realized that He was saying much more -- all I was hearing was that one word that struck to the core of what He was telling me.  Words do that to me now.  They strike!  Some words encourage. Say the word peace.  When I hear that word and truly think about the peace that God showers over us -- as soon as I put that umbrella away - BAM - there is a peace that is indescribable. Some words hurt... until He reminds me that it's my emotion, my reaction to the word that has given it it's value, it's strength... not the word itself. And that is what He reminded me today with one precious word.

Honesty seems a bit scarce these days. Of course, I've always considered myself an honest person.  I don't blatantly lie about things. But I can hide.  Hide from things that hurt. So this morning, I went to Him for some advice and the word "honesty" smacked me in the head.  Actually, He said "Be honest, precious one." (He is sweet like that.)  Honesty can be difficult when you have been used to wearing a mask all your life.  Honesty requires that we remove that mask and say "Okay world, here I am." When He told me to be honest, my first thought was about the pain that could come from being honest.  When I tell someone what I really feel, the backlash that could come from that is going to be painful.  But He reminded me "The pain and hurt is already there... festering -- and it's only going to get worse.  You can't ignore the pain - you have to face it with courage, grace and LOVE - its the only way to make the pain, the fear WORTHLESS.  You hold on to your pain like it's a trophy, a badge -- don't make the pain your identity... make love your identity.  To do that you need to hand that pain over to Me and let it go.  Take that pin off your chest and be who I created you to be... be who you are." 

The greatest way to live with honor in this world is to be 

what we pretend to be. Socrates

The   greatest way to live with honor in this world is to be what we pretend to be.
Socrates
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/honor.html#LpOuoygvTJqtGyQ7.99

The greatest way to live with honor in this world is to be what we pretend to be.
Socrates
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/honor.html#LpOuoygvTJqtGyQ7.99

The greatest way to live with honor in this world is to be what we pretend to be.
Socrates
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/honor.html#LpOuoygvTJqtGyQ7.99

The greatest way to live with honor in this world is to be what we pretend to be.
Socrates
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/honor.html#LpOuoygvTJqtGyQ7.99

The greatest way to live with honor in this world is to be what we pretend to be.
Socrates
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/honor.html#LpOuoygvTJqtGyQ7.99

Bumpy Ride

Lately, it feels like I am continually hearing the word "boundaries".  I have learned in the last four years of being a Christian to pay close attention when a certain theme seems to be invading my life. After 37 years of unbelief, God knows that the only way to get through my thick skull is to inundate me with a lesson until I finally allow revelation to kick its way in.  Boundaries are a tough one... especially when you've lived behind walls all your life. Thankfully, God is in the business of tearing down walls... but He is also showing me that it's my job to set up the boundaries. 

Last night, I had two dreams that were distinctly different but had the same image. The details are fussy except for one part... I am riding in an open top horse-drawn carriage, except I'm not quite in the carriage.  I am standing on the top step, right in the doorway, hanging on with one hand as we bounce along, but for some reason I can't get in the carriage... but I also wouldn't let go and hop off.  I just held on to the doorway, not going in but not letting go. In that weird drowsy state as I tossed and turned last night, I felt like God was showing me that because I have never set boundaries in relationships, my fears (or walls) have kept me from getting completely in the carriage but have also kept me hanging on for dear life. 

So, this morning when I woke up thinking about how that is true in many of my relationships, God reminded me of His #2 most important commandment... to love others as we love ourselves!  Isn't it funny how we can read a verse from the bible over and over again but one day it just smacks you upside the head in a completely different way.  For me, what stood out was not the love others part (obviously that's extremely important), but what stood out was that it doesn't say to love others ABOVE ourselves or BELOW ourselves... it says AS ourselves -- meaning equally.  So, how can we expect to have healthy, loving relationships filled with patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control if we don't first fully grasp that kind of love for ourselves?  How can I either hop into that carriage or finally jump off if I don't love and understand myself first and comprehend the perfect love God feels for me. 

Guess that's where the #1 commandment comes in... loving God with all your heart, soul and mind.  Only God alone is able to produce "perfect" love in us... only God can give us freedom from those fears that keep us hanging on tight on those bumpy roads but not getting in to the safe, warmth of the carriage. And until we allow him to drive out those fears, we are unable to truly love others as we love ourselves. 

I'm so thankful for a Heavenly Father that is patient and loving and kind enough to ease me through these lessons on boundaries.  I know I have a long way to go... but I also know I've got the King of all Creation by my side who has overcome the world and does everything for my good.  Makes each lesson a lot easier and more exciting to face.  Hold on! :)

Fire

Woke up with a heavy heart this morning and went straight to Jesus to look for guidance and wisdom. He always leads with such gentle care -- reminding  me to always rest in His arms.  This morning He asked me to grab my study on the Book of Daniel that I had put off for about a week.  Just in His asking me to do this, I knew He was going to show me something wonderful.  The lesson was specifically on Daniel 3:24-25.  As I read that passage, about Jesus in the fire with the three men, my heart melted and He whispered "I'm always by your side... through every fire.  Even in the fire you are facing right now -- I'm here -- listen to Me, lean on Me, turn to Me and know that whatever happens, My love for you will get you through." 

Nothing, nothing, NOTHING can separate us from God's love (Romans 8:38-39).  No circumstances, no sin, NO FIRE can separate us from His perfect, everlasting love.

This study of Daniel has led to some other great revelations for me. King Nebuchadnezzar was furious at three young Jews who refused to bow to his image reflected in a huge golden statue.  He ordered them bound and thrown into a burning fiery furnace.  However, in Daniel 3:25, he can't believe his eyes when he sees not three but four men in the fire UNBOUND, walking around unhurt.  Unbound... the bonds were burned off!!  Only the bonds that held them tight had burned... nothing else.  In this, God is showing us that sometimes we have to go through a fire to free us from our bonds.  As I walk through my own fire, I realize how many bonds God has already released me from... the places of freedom that He has led me to even while I feel like I am wallowing in the pit.  Do we want to walk through fire?  No, trials and difficult times are not something any of us desire. But when I realize that because of His intense love for me, He is going to use that fire to free me from some things that have held me captive... then Yes, with Jesus by my side, I will walk through the fire!